Friday, April 1, 2011

I Have A Confession To Make . . .

Okay, this has been weighing heavily on me all these years. But, finally, at the start of the new baseball season, it's time for me to come clean. Yes, I'm sorry if I've hurt anybody with this terrible secret I've been harboring over the last three years I've run this blog, but today I will once and for all put all the rumors to rest.

Yes, for today I reveal that I am not David Batista. I am, in fact, this man:

Yup . . . I am really Carlos Beltran, center fielder for the NY Mets! Some of my more savvy followers have remarked upon the resemblance on more than one occasion here. Needless to say I had to quickly edit those comments out before the secret got out of the bag. But alas, you guys were right. All along, you knew the truth. The secret is too much for me to bear, I'm afraid, and now I can finally breathe with a sigh of relief.

Phew! That feels good.


Okay, okay . . . that was my very lame attempt at an April Fool's Day prank. Seeing as how it's rather late in the day (against the rules in some countries, in fact), it's probably not a very effective prank now.

But on a serious note I thought I'd use this opportunity to address an issue that's been bugging me. Which is: that I'm getting so f'ing tired of people telling me that I look "JUST LIKE" this dude Carlos Beltran for the Mets. Sometimes people think I *am* him. But most of the time they just wonder if we're related.

Ick! As if. In case it wasn't made clear before, I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Yankees fan. Born, raised, and still residing in the Bronx. I've lived only a long home run away in the very shadow of Yankee Stadium for most of my life. Hell, I can see into the place from my windows:

That's the old Yankee Stadium on the left; the current one on the right.

So it goes without saying that the last team I'd want to be associated with are the NY Mets. Damn! Why couldn't Beltran be a Bronx Bomber? You know, it's probably only the fact that I wear a NY Yankees fitted cap so often that people don't think I'm him outright most of the time. You should see the double takes thrown my way whenever I walk around my block during game time at the stadium. Hil-lar-ious!

To be honest, though, I really don't think I look that much like this guy. Okay, maybe a little bit. But not enough. Here's a side-by-side comparison:

So what do you guys think? Were we separated at birth?

I'm actually one year older than Beltran, however. And he was born in Puerto Rico, whereas I was born here in New York City. Also, the portion of my father's family (including my pops himself) that hails from that part of the world is from the Dominican Republic, staunch enemy of the "Ricans."

Still, if only I could parlay this resemblance into some VIP treatment here in the city. Unfortunately, the Mets suck donkey balls. Always have. Just look at their season opener earlier today. They were left drawing blanks against the Marlins for 7 freaking innings, to eventually end up losing 6-2!!! SMH.

Oh well, at least New York has more than one baseball team. That's our saving grace right there. Can you New Yorkers imagine a world where the Mets are our only hope? I shudder to think . . .

Oh, and YAY to the official start of baseball! I'm very excited for the new season. I have to decide how many games I'll get to go to this year, though. I need to scale back a bit because tix at the House That Steinbrenner Built are obscenely expensive. Damn tourists! But since it only takes me 5 minutes to walk from my house to the front gate at Yankee Stadium, I feel kind of guilty not taking advantage of that convenience.

Anyway, Happy April Fool's Day to everybody! Hope's it's been a good one.


Yvonne said...

Carlos Beltran is a TRAITOR!!!!! And yeah, there is a slight resemblance, ok, a strong resemblance but I'm sure you're NOT a TRAITOR!!!! --Sorry, still harboring ill feeling for him. lol I'm sooo excited about Opening Day -for us it's not until next Frday at home. Can't wait!!!! :) My April Fool's day was crazy, so crazy, I'm just now getting home!!!

David Batista said...

Oh yes, I forgot all about him betraying your team. You're right to think him a traitor, then. I never much cared for the guy as a baseball player, although I guess it stems from him being a Met and all. And of course everyone telling me that I look like him, too. Argggh! Anyway, wow, I hope you blog about your crazy day. I would like to hear the deets! :)

thE gEOgrAphicAlly blind said...

LOL!!! Yes you two definitely look like twins separated at birth. I don't watch any baseball though lolz.

getyourselfconnected said...

Even though I am from Boston and I am supposed to pray at the altar of the Red Sox, I don't like or watch baseball at all. Wow, that Beltran does look ike you!

David Batista said...

Aww, geez you guys. I'm hoping to hear that he *doesn't* look like me. Oh well! :)

Kim Kasch said...

Sorry - this "hits home" on the (strike)ing resemblance homeplate ;)

David Batista said...

You and your puns, Kim. *groans*


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