Monday, June 6, 2011

Whale People, Rude People . . . And Robot People!!!

Ah, Mondays in New York City. It can make a person want to go on a homicidal chopping spree.

So, I've talked about it before and I'll do so once again here: I do so HATE overly large people on the subways! They always want a seat, but yet they take up the equivalent space of around 2 or 3 fully grown men. And some of them are quite selfish about it, too. You see it all the time during rush hours. Three or four people sitting to a bench on the 4 train. One person--let's say a petite young co-ed--gets up at the next stop, leaving behind just the tiniest of spaces for someone else of equal size to sit in her place. But nooooo! Someone of equal size does not sit there next. No. For some reason Shamu in heels decides this seat is for her. Never mind the fact that she has to physically shove aside the unsuspecting passengers sitting next to her fat ass on the bench in order to park her profound rotundness in this here tiniest of spaces. No, clearly this one did not learn Newton's basic principle of physics: that "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

So there these poor people sit, now squeezed tighter than a can of sardines, slipping out of their own seats, and miserable for the rest of their ride. Mind you, this didn't happen to me. I wasn't one of those poor unfortunates sitting down when E. Honda in drag (Street Fighter video game reference) decided to ride the subway this morning. But I was standing nearby, and I sympathized with my fellow straphangers.

Now, on the return trip home? The trains were PACKED beyond belief. I barely squeezed myself in before the doors slid shut on me at Fulton Street station. At the next stop, a bunch more commuters squeezed in behind me. One dude came on and refused to remove his backpack, despite the fact that another guy was trying to get on behind him. This guy kept saying "excuse me" to the dude with the backpack, but was ignored. So the other guy got PISSED and grabbed this dude by the neck and yanked him clean off the subway! He then jumped on in his hastily vacated place, before turning around and cursing out backpack man something fierce.

Sheesh! All this just to catch the train? I now know why people get stabbed and/or shot commuting home.

See what I have to put up with on a daily basis, people? I tell ya, living and working here in the big city takes a special breed of survivor. Tourists who visit are always such easy marks because they simply cannot tap into the frenetic rhythm running like DC current throughout the streets of this mean ol town. It's no wonder that the minute I come home and step through the front door, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. As if I just barely survived to live and commute another day.

Can you believe it?

Well, that was my Monday. How was yours?

And before I leave, how about some levity? This SNL clip is in honor of my awesome friend and blog buddy, GYSC. Don't worry, pal, you still have plenty of years left before the metal ones decide to come for you.

And they will!


Yvonne said...

Unbelievable! Good thing you made it home unscathed! When I rode the metro years ago, I experienced similar situations such as yours. So I totally relate!

getyourselfconnected said...

In Japan they have guys that jam the people into the cars, it's amazing to see. Sorry city life was getting to you, 100 degree heat this week will not help short tempers!

That commercial is not funny when you understand the future......

Botanist said...

Well, David, I don't think I dare describe my daily commute for fear that you will foam at the mouth, go googly-eyed, throw your keyboard through your monitor, and block my profile forevermore.

Let's just say it is usually a stress-free 30 minutes from front door to desk or vice-versa. And one day I'm gonna piss you off by taking pics of the cycling alternative. Just you wait ;D

David Batista said...

GYSC -- I'm so not looking forward to the mini heatwave the Northeast is getting starting tomorrow. Ugh, shoot me now!

Ian -- LOL! It's okay, man. I undestand. I yearn for such peaceful commutes. But it's the price I pay for living in such a dynamic, fly by the seat of your pants, city like New York. Oh well.

David Batista said...

Oh, and Yvonne -- glad someone else understands what I go through. :)

Kim Kasch said...

I have a story about one trip I made to New York. Encountered one of the rudest people evah...she slapped my six year old son 'cuz he got in her way in a swimming pool at the Marriott (where we were staying).

That's just the beginning. . .

David Batista said...

Oh yes, I believe you told me this before, Kim. Perhaps through e-mail? It was a while back, when we first "met".

We New Yorkers are not all rude like that. Just some. We've got more crazies per capita, after all.

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