Just a little life update for those of you wondering. It's been a while since I've talked about the day-to-day stuff here on the blog.
I'm still loving the apartment. This living-on-one's-own business can be seriously addicting. I also realize how fortunate I've been in that I already know how to take care of myself. Common household chores like cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, and general cleanup are second nature for me, since I've only been doing them my entire adult life. Even back when I was married. I've never been one of those men who believes household work is for women. In my case, I just so happen to clean AND fix stuff, too. So, honestly, moving into my own place was no big adjustment for me.
Being all alone is taking some getting used to in other ways, however. At times I love it. It's so relaxing to be one's own person. Yet at the same time, the solitude can be maddening. I find myself being very bored when I'm at home. I watch tv, play video games, or read to pass the time, but the weight of my aloneness can at times be too much to bear. Seeing and talking to my friends helps, but going out does not. Everyone tells me to go out more and do things, but at this early stage of newly divorceness I just can't find the joy in it. Going to the movies by myself blows. It sucks all the joy I used to have at seeing films on the big screen. I've missed so many interesting showings this summer alone. That's so not like me. I went to a book reading a few weeks back, but felt so disengaged that I immediately got up and left. What the hell?
Clearly I still need a little more time to get my head sorted out. I'm not yet ready to rejoin society. Truth is, I've never been a bachelor. I met my ex straight out of high school. I've never lived on my own (unless a dorm room in college counts), and have never had to go through the dating process to find someone. Now that I've just turned 37 and am single for the first time in 20 years, I find myself without a clue on how or where to get started. Although, on this, too, I feel I am not yet ready. Not by a long shot.
Then there's my finances. A sore subject for me. I tried to save up as best I could before the move, but inevitably unexpected expenses pop up. Lately it seems that when I get one crisis squared away, another one rears up to take its place and make a run on my wallet. It never seems to end. And I'm not someone who incurs debt, you know? It's not my M.O. at all. Yet, ever since moving in to this apartment, it seems forces are conspiring to drain my bank accounts. Yeesh!
I'm slowly getting things under control, however. But in the meantime I'm forced to adopt drastic measures in order to keep my spending down and have more left over each month to pay off these unexpected expenses. Fortunately, I'm pretty good at tightening the belt and doing what needs to be done. But it makes me a little grumpy, too. These days, all I want to do is go to work and then come home immediately after. Even if I wanted to socialize more, I couldn't afford to at this point. It's going to be a long haul between now and Christmas, I see now. But, you know what? I'll be fine.
Now, if I can only get back to my writing . . .
And, oh look! We're outta time now. Guess I'll have to munch on that little pickle another time. Suffice to say, I'm still unable to drum up the energy to get back into fiction writing. The ideas are there, just not the will. I am working on it, though. It's going to happen soon, that's the feeling I get deep down inside. I just need to get other things off my mind and find my focus again.
Yeah, easier said than done. I know this. But, as the saying goes: this, too, shall pass.
Good night, y'all!