Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Oh, The Things I Have (And Have Not) Done!

Over on Facebook, my good friend Rodney shared a pic that has been making the rounds. The pic is a list of 22 life experiences one may or may not have had, followed by an arbitrarily decided upon price point for each item on the list. To participate, you have to decided which of these activities you've done in your lifetime, then tally up the prices for each until you get your total. You then share that number with everyone on your timeline.

I won't be doing that part of the game here. But what I thought would be fun was to recreate the list, followed by a brief explanation for the one's I've done. The ones which I have not done will be highlighted in red.

Before I do this, however, a small disclaimer: the majority of these were done when I was much younger. I know, not an excuse, but hey . . . shit happens when you're young and stupid.

Now then, on to the festivities!

1.  HAD SEX:
Well, yes, obviously. I was in a relationship for 18 years, and married for 7. So needless to say sex was being had. Not an interesting statistic at all. However, to make it more interesting, I will say how old I was the first time it happened: I was 21. Does that surprise anyone? Well, it shouldn't.

Unfortunately, yes. Fortunately, it was only twice. I was a teenager, maybe 16 yrs old. My best friend and I were curious and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Technically it is illegal for vendors in New York City to sell cigarettes to anyone under 18 ... but living where we lived, that was not a problem. The first time I tried one, I definitely did not smoke it properly. I didn't even inhale! The second time, I did inhale ... but was not impressed. I thought it was a stupid addiction, in fact, and never went back.

Well, duh! If you're 37 years old and have never been drunk -- you're either a devout Muslim, and I applaud you. Or you are quite sheltered. That being said, I've only been truly, stinking drunk 3 times in my life. And on each of those occasions I was able to drag my sorry ass home and sleep it off. Well, one of those times I was already home, so yay! But, yeah, I don't drink very often. And when I do, I almost never drink enough to lose control. That's just not me.

Nope. While I don't really see the appeal, to be honest I've never had the opportunity, either. One never knows . . .

This is stupid to include on the list. This and No. 1 makes me think that this was devised for much younger people on Facebook. I don't have anything interesting to add to this even. Except this fact: I was 17 when I had my first kiss.

Hell to the no! The only way I could ever conceivably do this is if I was either a) Drunk; b) Dared to, while drunk; or 3) Offered a large sum of money. While drunk!

Yeah. Not my proudest moment. Who are we kidding? That should be moments -- plural! I've cheated plenty of times on tests. Particularly in high school. What can I say? I never held very high opinions of standardized testing. If I could get away with it, even if I was fairly certain I knew the correct answer anyway, I would cheat just to make sure. There was a time when I would use any and all advantages at my disposal to get ahead.

Yes. Again, in high school. All the time. It's a wonder I ever graduated, and with honors to boot!

Oh yes. Because of one such incident indicated in No. 10 below. I was constantly being bullied and picked on throughout most of my schooling. This particular incident occurred in junior high school. Some kid thought he could shove me and throw in a punch. But I ducked and laid him out flat. Literally. While wearing a baseball mitt on the other hand, too! While he provoked it, and others attested to this fact, we both ended up being expelled for a day. Luckily for me, it didn't go on my record.

Yes. Every single fist fight I've been in occurred while in school. It started in elementary when I was 9, and continued on up until high school. And I've never lost a fight. While I'm not proud that I allowed some assholes to get me to the point of actually being in a fist fight, I am proud to say that I never backed down once engaged.

Sadly, yes to this. I used to steal candy and soda from the convenient store across the street from my junior high school. I had no real reason to do so, but this was really a crime of opportunity. So many kids from my school would rush into the place after class that the proprietor had no way of keeping an eye on all of us. And I was a particularly clever and nimble little boy. I could swipe something so fast you'd never see my hands move. And all the while I would be looking somewhere else and pretending to be barely clued in to existence. That was the trick, and it always worked! Until the one day when it didn't . . .

No way. As Whitney said: Crack is whack!

No, I'm not a girl.

Of course! When you've had as many close family members die as I've had, this goes without saying. I've had other bad things happen to me in my life, too, so unfortunately I'm quite familiar with this practice. Who isn't?

Yes. And broken out of it, too. It sucks. Again, I'm wondering who would answer "no" to this unless they're under 18.

I could easily use my answer to No. 11 above for this, but that's too easy. One incident when this happened was when I was caught by my boss reading a book in a hideaway corner somewhere on the job site, when I should have been shelving the books. It's probably not such a hot idea for an avid reader to get a job working in the campus library!

No. Not even while severely, falling down drunk would I ever do this. So stupid.

Surprisingly, no. Although I've done more than enough stupid shit on the streets and in the subways of New York to have been arrested, even if over no serious crimes. Misdemeanors, really. But I'm happy to say my fingerprints are NOT in the system!

God, how stupid are some of these? OF COURSE I HAVE! Like I said before . . . first time when I was 17.

Yes, I'm going to have to plead my young age to this disgusting act. I've been swimming in pools since I was 6 years old, so I've peed in my fair share of 'em! What? That's what they invented chlorine for, right? No? Oh well ...

Yes. Nothing risque came out of it, though. And another surprising fact: I was in my mid-20s the first time I played this. Hey, some parts of my life were very sheltered, believe it or not. Consider that, as I pointed out in No. 1, I lost my virginity at age 21. Now it all starts to make sense, no?

Who hasn't? Seriously! But if I had to pick one incident I really regret: When I was 5, my mother took us shopping down in the city. On the way back home we took the subway, where kids my age could just slip under the turnstyle for free. But, this one day I really wanted to see what it would feel like to spin the turny thing you have to go through when you're a paying adult. So I happened to spy this old woman with a ton of bags in her arms heading for the turnstyle. She set her bags down, dropped the coin into the slot, and then bent over to pick her bags back up before walking through. Right at that moment I ran through the turnstyle. It was so much fun! But then I turned to see the old woman bang right into it. She seemed really upset, and I ran away like the little chickenshit 5 yr old that I was. Even to this day I never forget that I've done something so terrible, and I beat myself up over it.

So there you have it, folks! No, I don't live a particularly daring or exciting life, but I dare say some of my experiences might be surprising to some of you.

And that being said: how many of these have YOU done? Or rather: which ones, by number only, have you NOT done? Let me know in the comments section below!


  1. WILD POST!!! Here Goes.

    1. first time I was 14, had it some since then...

    2. Smoked at age 10, hated it, Worst thing I ever did was try again at age 20, been smoking since then (cigarettes)

    3. Too many to count and you Mr. David was drunk ass by the time I got you a cab when I was in NYC (so much fun, the pizza!)

    4. Yup, lead to my first threesome back in college days

    5. Dumb as viewed by earlier

    6. Nope, had to dodge a few though, why gay guys like me I have no idea

    7. Sadly yes; Music Theory in College; had no idea how to do the notes and some girl I was chasing convinced me it would be an easy "aesthetics" class. Baloney.

    8. Umm, yeah.

    9. Never.

    10. Too many to count. David got caught at school but in my hood you took it off school grounds. Years later after I had learned to box well, you could get paid as a 15-18 year old to fight bare knuckle at at "social club" in Lowell for cash money and I did that too. Was brutal. But I had food money.

    11. Yes. Some small things of course but stealing someones hope is more painful than stuff.

    12. Yup. Smoked weed plenty (hated it, just went to bed after); mescalin (WOWZA!!), Acid (wowza but sucks after); Cocaine ( thought I would die, one time thing, sucks)

    13. No, I am a blonde by the sun

    14. Yeah, many times. When I was younger it was over a girlfriend usually. Later it was when my father died ( I was 20) and when my brother died (I was 27), and then when I almost drove my wife off (I was 35) due to not listening

    15. Ohhhh yess, 4 times.

    16. How many times??

    17. See #4

    18. No, me and the Lowell cops got along as I boxed at their gym

    19. dumb

    20. yup

    21. Yes, many times. Trying to get my wife to do this

    22. Regret and the pain of it, it's half of what we are, no? As you get older you may find you regret NOT doing something more than something you did do. I leave it at that.

  2. LOL! I wasn't even close to being drunk on that night, my friend. All I had was Guinness, and it's impossible for me to get drunk on beer alone. Just ask any of my close friends who have been drinking with me. I need the strong stuff to get truly wasted -- whiskeys or Tequila. Vodka will do in a pinch, too. What will get me sick drunk the fastest, however, is either Absinthe or Raki. I try to stay away from those as much as possible. Yech!

    Interesting answer, btw. Thanks for sharing! This is the kind of feedback I was hoping for. :)

  3. I am so boring. Did not score very high on this one. Oh well, I am sure there are other quizzes where I would get a more respectable score. I was a good girl in school, it was difficult for me to goof off. And as Whitney said, crack is whack! :) So no drug thing either. :) Put up a quiz that will give me better points, Batista!

  4. Cin -- So in other words, you want me to put up a boring girl who knits, watches Golden Girls, and falls asleep each night before 10 quiz? Alrighty, let me do some Googling and I'll get right back to ya on that! :)

  5. Yes! Please put up a Golden Girls quiz!!! I'd ace it. No studying needed. The real question is: are you more Blanche or Rose? Hmm. . . let that one bounce around in your head. :)

  6. Did it over at The Den.


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