Friday, February 21, 2014

What Girls Don't Know We Know They Know

Girls like to think that guys are clueless and not tuned in to the world around them. Lots of jokes are made at the expense of my gender, some of which are based on fact. And some of which are not. For instance, boys are not the only ones who judge based on looks. Girls do it all the time! And sometimes we catch them at it, sly though you try to be.

I've been noticing this more and more while going about my daily routine around this great big city of New York. It's amazing what subtle changes in behavior, look, and attitude can have when it comes to garnishing the attention of the opposite sex. Here are just 5 of the top observations I've made now:

1.  You're more appealing if you never look at them.

I've noticed that if you make direct eye contact with a cute girl at any public venue--restaurant, movie theater, subway--she'll look right back before immediately glancing away. And then that's it! You can continue to stand there for another 20 minutes and she will never look again in your direction even once. I used to think this was shyness, but now I know better. It's not being shy, it's waiting. She's thinking in her head: I've made contact! Now I hope he comes over here and make the first move. By contrast, if you simply walk into a room and only do a cursory once-over of the entire area with no specific eye contact, then go about your own business, you're suddenly far more intriguing to any nearby hottie that might be even marginally interested in you. I know, because I see quite well out of the corner of my eye. -- even when you think I'm reading that book in my hand! Hint: I am, but your eyes constantly turning in my direction every 30 seconds are like high beams coming at me on a darkened highway. If you never make direct eye contact, girls think you can't see them. And they will continue to risk furtive glances in your direction until you acknowledge that you know they're there.

I can totally see you, ladies.

2.  An upturned collar can make all the difference.

This is bizarre. I never pop the collar on ANY piece of attire I own. Not on my shirts, not on my blazers, and definitely not on my polos (what a douche-y look)! But for some reason, do this to your jacket or coat, and suddenly all eyes are on you. It's crazy! I recently experimented with this. I decided to pull up the collar on my winter coat for a week straight, and I swear to you no matter where I went I was constantly getting stared at by women of all ages and creed. Haha, sorry. Creed? What a funny word! Anyway, it's true. What the hell is that all about? Does it make me look more mysterious? Why? It's the same coat, and I'm still the same guy. Why all the attention all of a sudden? I think we all know why, though. The old adage is true. Women like dark, mysterious looking dudes. It drives them absolutely bananas, I think. They want to crack the enigma that is YOU!

Uh-oh, we got a badass here!

3.  Clothes make the man.

This, of course, doesn't take a genius to figure out. Wear better clothing and people's impression of you increases accordingly. Even more so when it comes to women. Very few men have it so good where they can look great wearing pretty much anything, even Go-Bot pajamas! Yeah, don't I wish. For the rest of us, no matter how hard we work out it still takes an upgrade in wardrobe to really make a lasting mark in the eyes of the fairer sex. I've never been a poor dresser. I don't shop for expensive clothing, but I do know how to coordinate a decent wardrobe. However, normally I do wear jeans and t-shirt if I'm just being about my casual, personal business. But if I put on a suit? Whoa baby, it's like a music video all of a sudden! It never ceases to amaze me the effect a suit can have on a guy. On the rare occasion I need to wear one to work (meetings with the higher ups, and so on), I get hit on at least once that day by a particularly bold stranger in passing. Usually it happens on the subway. And I've even had ghetto hood rats try to get me to take their numbers. Like, really miss? Are you serious? It's very flattering, sure, but also disconcerting. Like what I mentioned earlier about collars ... why should this even matter? Am I not the same person with the same face and personality as when I'm just wearing jeans and t-shirt? I believe I am.

My preferred mode of dress.

4.  That barely restrained murderous look.

I have to admit, this one isn't too hard to figure out either. See, for the most part I like to project a calm, genial façade in public. Someone whom you can tell is a nice guy and feel free to ask for help should you need it. And it's true: a lot of tourists and old people do feel right at home coming up to me on the street and asking for some form of assistance. It's always been like this, and I'm more than happy to provide it. But on those days where I'm in a dark mood, or just don't want to deal with stupid people nonsense (a very common likelihood living in New York City), I can project a persona of someone who will, and quite easily can, kick your ass for staring at me the wrong way. Don't get me confused--I'm not that person, but sometimes it's useful to adopt such a look if you want to survive a typical rush hour commute home in this city. And yet I've noticed that the "harder" I appear, the more attracted certain ladies around me become. Now, I'm not an idiot. I know why this is. I'm sure my body language is one of strength and solidarity during these moments, and I must project an aura of supreme confidence. And that's attractive no matter which gender we're talking about, right?  But, really, I just think it all boils down to the "asshole" factor. Good guys complain about it all the time, but sometimes it's true. Act like a badass alpha, and it will bring you notice! Unfortunately, at least in my case, the women that are usually attracted to this sort are not the ones I want to be going after. I prefer my women to want the "good guy," which is what I try to be. I can be that other guy, too, if she wants. But that would be in private . . . behind closed doors.

Approachable David.
Do Not Disturb David.

5.  The chatty acquaintance factor.

This is the most perplexing one for me. I've noticed that the easiest way to get the attention of practically ever woman in the vicinity is to be engaged in lively conversation with a friend. It can happen at any public setting. If I'm with a buddy and we're having a really good back-and-forth about something (anything, really, just so long as it's not video games or pornography), chances are I will glance over to find some cute girl checking me out big time. The eyes zero in on my mouth especially, and sometimes she'll even smile when she sees me catching her in the act. What is that?!!  Oh, and you can crank it up by a factor of about 10 if the friend I'm chatting with happens to be female! If I put on my sociological thinking cap right now, I'd have to conclude that this act must demonstrate to the opposite sex that I'm a man who can at least string along two sentences, and even form reasonable sounding opinions. You know, as opposed to the escaped baboon from the zoo, I guess. I've also been told I have a very good speaking voice, which I don't think contributes as much to this observation as one would assume. Or does it? Personally, I just think it displays to interested women that I'm a man who can be sociable when he wants to be. The jokes on them, of course, because I'm really way more introverted than they realize. Chatting with a friend just makes me seem like I'm a productive, useful human being whom others are not repelled to be around in public. Or something like that.

Yes, most of these are probably no-brainers to the majority of you girls out there. But my point is, just be aware that us boys are not as clueless about what's going on as you take us for. In other words: you're not being as covert as you think you're being, checking us out while pretending to fix your hair in the window of that subway car we're sharing. If you can see me, chances are -- I can see you!

Oh wait. Unless that's your plan all along.

Ahhhhhh . . .

Touché, ladies. Brava!


Cin said...

Oh No! Did not know you guys know all of this stuff. I better alert Cosmo. :) As for me, I am a sucker for a guy in a suit with cufflinks. Always have been. I think it's because I had such a huge crush on Pierce Brosnan as a kid and he looks amazing in a suit. You pull off a suit rather nicely too, I must say. :) Great post. I think you should write a column for a magazine, Mr. Batista. :)

EconomicDisconnect said...

Interesting observations. I see single women (or otherwise attached) gravitate, like Kepler celestial physics, to the biggest douche in the place and find him "hot".

David Batista said...

Cin -- I'm not such a fan of cufflinks, but I'll wear them from time to time. A little too dressy for me. I like being very understated, even borderline plain. Like drinks, I don't think they work well anytime before 5pm. :)

ED -- This is of course true, but not of all women as I know you know. As I said in this post, those are the type of women I don't want to be around, anyway. So no biggie. They can have that guy!

Jennifer Hillier said...

You are hilarious! And so right. There is something about the upturned collar that screams SWAGGER. It screams "Yeah, I can turn my collar up because I'm hot and you want me."

And you're right about clothes making the man. No girl likes a sloppy guy. But any guy who can rock jeans and a t-shirt does it for me, too! Which you do. :)

And yes, I can imagine being more interested in someone who's having an engaging conversation with someone else. It's a glimpse into his personality, plus I love good conversation.

Great post!

David Batista said...

Thanks for the validation, Jen. See, I *knew* it! Haha! ;)

Yvonne said...

What Jen said! Also, I'm a sucker for men in general so... ;) Seriously, this was a great post and insightful as well. Perhaps you should write a column. "Suddenly Single in NY" -a man's story. I like it! ha!

David Batista said...

LOL! Great suggestion, Yvonne. You're right, there aren't too many such columns/blogs about the subject from a man's perspective. What, does society think men just instantly bounce back and get into relationships so easily? Well, maybe they do . . . but not this guy.

Kim Kasch said...

Interesting...very interesting. It's been such a LOOOOng time since I was in this arena but when I met my hubby he was wearing the craziest of attire...wooden clogs even! And a rope for a belt, and army surplus pants and a nice shirt and leather jacket-just weird. So I guess that's what I go for. WEIRD ;D

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