In Which I Get My Man Card Revoked

My wife, Lisa, and I just watched this movie (again) tonight, apropos of the season upon us.

I know I risk my masculinity by admitting this . . . but Love, Actually is one of the best Christmas movies of all time! Definitely my favorite romantic comedy bar none. That's right, you heard me. I watch romantic comedies on occasion. Sue me. Of course, I have Lisa to thank for this, as I'd probably want to stab myself in the eye were I single and all angsty about love and what-not. But as it stands, I like a well made romantic comedy. Don't you? And Love, Actually is the most heart-whelming and funniest of them all, in my opinion.

Anyway, watching this film for the umpteenth time now I've decided to officially crack open my special Xmas playlist on the ole iPod. I only ever listen to this playlist in December, before closing it again for yet another year. But I had to listen to Mariah Carey's song "All I Want For Christmas" twice, because honestly it is just that awesome! Click on the link to see her official video of the song. Like Love, Actually is to romantic movies for me, I strongly feel that this is the best Christmas tune of the modern age. Seriously, how can you not get into the holiday spirit after listening to that? It is sublime perfection, I tell ya!

Also, that Mariah sure can sing her heart out! It's only fitting that the song was featured so prominently in the movie, then. And, with that being said, I leave you now with the perfect scene from that movie to set the mood off. This little girl does an impressive cover of the song in question:





And how cute is that little boy with his puppy-love crush? Ah, young love! Where have you gone? (ha, ha)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

GRRRR . . . HRRRR . . . UNGH!!!!!

That's me today, because I feel like one of the living dead.

Last night was one of those unexpected moments when the wife and I crawled into bed together fully intending to sleep and . . . ended up talking the night away until 4:30 in the morning! HOLY HELLS, I am so brain-dead tired right now! It's amazing I even have the presence of mind to type these words.

What did we talk about? Oh, just life. Well, mostly our respective families, and also about how much we worry about today's children. Especially our nieces and nephews, who are so smart and adorable and deserving of the best life can bring. Unfortunately, if they continue living in the Bronx, they will most assuredly end up not living to their full potential. It's a fact of life around here. The entire borough is a cesspool for destroyed childhoods and unfulfilled dreams. It eats you up and spits you out unless you have the extraordinary strength of will to persevere despite all the obstacles. Which I did, and my wife did. But to which too many younger family members in both our respective families have not. Some who paid with their lives for the shortcomings of this ridiculous "ghetto fabulous" culture that permeates here.

I want those little toddlers in our family to live a good life, and so we agreed to keep on keeping on the parents, and push them to move away from this place. We will ourselves at some point, too; definitely if we have children of our own. The Bronx is safe to raise kids up until around the age of 7 or 8. Then you have to get the hell out of Dodge if you want to salvage their futures. For real!

Anyway, as you can see, we talked about some heady stuff. Mostly our fears and our hopes. It's nice to have that connect in the dark of night when the tv is off, the writing stopped, the PC shutdown, the cell phones left in the coat closet, etc. Unfortunately, I didn't seem to take into account that I had to wake up at 6:30 for work. So now I'm paying the price, operating on just 2 hours of sleep.

I have a loooong day ahead of me . . . but strangely, it feels worth it. Just one more way I'm reminded I married the right person.

With This Ring . . .

On her way out the door to work, Lisa stopped in the elevator, held up her hand, and wiggled her ring finger.

"You done good!"

LOL! It cracks me up that even to this day, over 4 years since we've been married, she still gushes over the rings I picked out. Especially her engagement ring, which she never stops admiring. I have to admit, it is a lovely ring. I put a lot of time and research into picking just the right one. A ring I just knew she'd love. Unlike some women, Lisa didn't want to pick it out herself. She wanted to be surprised. And she trusted that I knew her well enough, which I did. She never saw it coming, the day I proposed. And she thinks it's the most perfect diamond ring in the WORLD!

We're not a materialistic couple in the slightest. Our lives don't revolve around money, or the ostentatious flashing of trinkets that money can buy. But in this one thing my wife is not abashed. She's amazed that it sparkles just as brightly and clearly as the day I slipped it on her finger while riding a horse and buggy through Central Park. And although at the time I couldn't afford the biggest diamond, I did really push to make sure I had the highest clarity rating and color grade you could get. Makes a big difference, it does.

Someday, maybe, I'll get her a bigger carat size. But I don't know. This one has sentimental value, and I doubt she'd ever want to part with it.

So, yes. I guess I done good. Done real good!

High School Sweethearts

Last week marked 15 years since Lisa and I started dating. We were seniors at the time and shared most of the same classes, but we didn't really hit it off until the night of our senior prom. I asked her to dance with me, and she said yes! And the rest, as they say, was history. I remember coming home and being so dazed and overwhelmed with flooding emotions. Little did I know that I would end up marrying this girl!

These pictures were taken several months before we started seeing each other, and it's funny how innocent and veiled our comments written on the back were to each other. Just the usual polite stuff friends write to other friends, wishing them all the best in the future and eliciting a promise to "K.I.T." (keep in touch).

Lisa and I had been accepted into different colleges, so when we eventually did start to go out, I remember being extremely frustrated. Why, I asked of fate . . . why did you have to send her into my life NOW? What about all those previous angst-ridden high school years? Why now when I have to go away to college and away from New York for approx. 4 years?

We questioned whether it was a good idea to start a relationship that was only doomed to end by the end of the summer. Or, rather, I questioned it. I think Lisa knew all along what we would end up doing. She's smart like that.

By the end of the summer, we had grown a lot together as a couple. I know it sounds cheesy -- like typical teen romance crap -- but honestly, we had become extremely close. So close that, as my departure date arrived, my heart grew heavier and more anxious. Finally we had a long talk one night. About us. About how we should keep this going, despite the nearly 160 miles (and one state border) that separated our two colleges. And I felt so stupid for having worried all summer long. Because it never crossed my mind that we could still make it work despite being apart for months at a time.

But make it work we did. Some people say long distance relationships are doomed. Especially college ones. Well, we're living proof that, on the contrary, they sometimes work! The key is for both people to know themselves really well, and to have open communication at all time. And of course, to love one another unconditionally. Sometimes being alone really got to me while attending school in the frozen northern wilds of Vermont, but honestly I can't say it was all that difficult for us in the long run. We visited each other as much as we could. And of course we both came from the same hometown, so this meant holidays and summertime was OUR time to make up for being apart! :)

Anyway, looking at these two photos, it's amazing to think that we were ever so young. It no longer amazes me that we have been together for so long, however. Aside from those 4 years apart, we've been together every step of the way. Through thick and thin. We moved in together 2 years after graduating college, and got married less than 5 years after that. Our wedding anniversary has now supplanted our prom night anniversary. We don't even celebrate that date anymore. But every now and then we lie in bed together and reminisce about that summer of '94. It's all a blur, really. But certain moments stand out starkly. Our first movie. Our first kiss. Our first kiss in the rain.

These are memories I cherish to this day.

So here's to us darling. 15 years and I still don't annoy you (much)! Who'd a thunk it?

I Guess I'm Not Your Typical Husband

My childhood friend, B, and I were discussing this last night. He and his wife were recently blessed with twins, and he was discussing the different roles they play in their marriage. He was boasting about his role as the breadwinner, and realizing that his wife takes care of everything else. His only job, it seems, is to go to work and make money. In all other aspects he is like a child himself. And this struck me as odd, because this is definitely not the situation in our marriage.

First off, let me just briefly mention what it is that we do. I'm an editor for a legal publisher, where I sift through boring State & Local taxation laws and also maintain the website for our clients. Lisa works as a Nurse Practitioner, which is above a Physician's Assistant but just below a Doctor. Between the two of us we make a pretty decent living, but Lisa makes more than I do. My friend, B, is envious of this, but I know that he would have a hard time dealing with this in actuality since he identifies so strongly with being the sole bringer home of the bacon (okay, that sounded wittier in my head than it does in writing).

Anyway, I told him that the key to our marriage is compromise (like, duh!). We don't just stick to traditional male and female roles in the family for the sake of convenience. Coming from a household of strong women and no men growing up, I guess I never fell into the mindset that a man should bring home the income and a woman should only concern herself with domestic chores. In our marriage, we share responsibilities. This also means that I end up doing things that most men are not comfortable doing, or are inept at performing. For instance, I do all the cooking. The time Lisa makes a meal for us within a year can be counted on one hand. This is due to two factors: 1) I was taught how to cook from my grandmother since I was a wee lad; and 2) I'm better at it than she is! :)

I also do my own laundry. Lisa and I have this rule where we are responsible for our own laundry. I know it sounds weird, but for some reason this is the pattern we've fallen into. I do only my clothes, she does her clothes. We almost never do our respective laundries on the same day. However, when it comes to shared items like blankets, towels, other linens, Lisa handles these in addition to her clothes. It's the one thing I insist on, because I'm the one who does the household cleaning and garbage disposal. With one caveat: Lisa must do the bathrooms. I absolutely despise cleaning the bathrooms, especially our walk-in shower.

I do all the grocery shopping, as well as all the fixer-upper duties around the house -- such as change light bulbs, fix furniture, install wiring and networks, set-up electronics, etc.

I also handle the finances and bank account. I'm very anal when it comes to numbers and money, so it makes more sense that I should be the one to balance the books and keep track of everything. However, when it comes time to file our taxes, Lisa handles all of that. Again, weird, but it works for us.

Even though both of us know how to drive, I do all the driving. We don't have a car (because it's almost like a penalty to have one in NYC), but the few times we rent a car I do all the driving. Not because I have to, but because Lisa is petrified of the road. I guess in that sense the husband-wife dynamic is slightly more comparable to tradition. :-)

I shop, pick out, and buy my own clothes. Not because I'm picky, or because I care about what I wear. But because the only person with a worse male fashion sense than myself is Lisa. She has almost no idea what to get for me when it comes to clothing. Then again, I'm just as bad when it comes to her clothes. We're hopeless causes when it comes to fashion! Although I'm slightly better at color coordination for some reason. So, reluctantly, I shop for myself and she shops for herself.

Now, if you haven't noticed by now, most if not all of the above is made possible by the fact that we don't have children (yet). Once we do, though, not much will change. Lisa will probably switch to doing all of the laundry, and I'll probably solidify my control over the kitchen by adding dish washing duties to my list as compensation. I'll still do all of the cooking for our family, and buying the groceries and doing the odd handyman jobs around the house as usual.

What's important to me is that things are as close to equal as reasonably possible. Nothing gets my temper boiling more than lazy men who think their sole contribution to the family is the paycheck and grilling burgers on Memorial Day. I'm not comfortable with the Cro-Magnon conceit that a woman's business is the household and kids. When we have kids, I will have as much a hand in their raising as Lisa does.

Except for the breast-feeding thing, of course. I'm perfectly comfortable having that stay the woman's purview, for obvious (and lecherous) reasons. (heh, heh)

Lost: The Honeymoon

In July 2005 we got married in Las Vegas, then skipped out of town and flew directly to Hawaii for a two-week stay on the islands of Oahu and Kauai. I even bought a tacky Hawaiian shirt in honor of the occasion. :-)



In Oahu, we stayed at the Hyatt Regency at Waikiki Beach. Very touristy, but this was our first time to Hawaii, so we didn't really know anywhere else to stay. I'm the one who researches, arranges, and books our trips, though, so I at least made sure we stayed someplace nice! This was just one of the views from our balcony, facing north towards Diamond Head volcano (not pictured).

We spent six nights here, just going to the beach and visiting various cool places around the island, which houses around 70% of Hawaii's total population. We visited the Dole Plantation (mmm . . . Pineapple!) and got to see the tropical settings where many movies and tv shows were/are filmed, such as Karate Kid II (one of my favorite movies) and the tv show, Lost. Along the way I ate a TON of fresh fruit and fish. As I'm not a big fan of seafood, the latter goes to show how good the food was here.

I also got introduced to something yummy and utterly Hawaiian called Spam musubi. If anyone is familiar with Japanese musubi, well this is it--but with Spam added! It's basically a brick of sticky rice with a slab of spam on top, wrapped up in nori (seaweed). Spam musubi and a cup of fresh-cut pineapple was pretty much my daytime diet the entire two weeks in Hawaii. Very, very good!



We went to the Polynesian Cultural Center near the North Shore where we got to experience the many diverse cultures that make up the south Pacific. Most of the shows were put on by students from the local affiliate of Brigham Young University, culled from the many islands of the Pacific. I've never seen so much colorful dancing in all my life. Here, at one such show brimming with both Japanese and Korean tourists in the audience, this little ragamuffin came walking out of the seats to stand beside me for whatever reason. She kept making googly faces at me and smiling. I think she was trying to get a better look at the stage. Don't know where her parents were, but me and Lisa seriously contemplated a bit of kiddie stealing here! (ha, ha) I took this photo literally 2 seconds before she lifted up her shirt and flashed everyone. Phew! A lag of my finger, and I would have spent the rest of our honeymoon in a Fed prison for child porn--yikes!



I took this picture from the deck of our dinner cruise around Honolulu. The pair of identical towers in the center is the Hyatt Regency. Our room was in the left-hand tower, near the very top. I didn't even realize we had sailed as far north as our hotel. I just took this picture because of the yacht and only paid attention to the background scenery later. I'm proud of this photo. I call it the "postcard" shot. Doesn't it look like one?



The following week we hopped an inter-island prop plane to fly "next door" to Kauai island. This is the most tropical and wettest of the Hawaiian islands, and it sure did rain a lot. But only at specific times of the day. Most of the days were sun-filled and perfect. Here we are at dinner in a very nice restaurant near our hotel at Poipu Beach (south shore).

Driving around Kauai was much easier than Oahu, although both places get extremely crowded during rush hours. We found Kauai to be less diverse than Oahu, though. Most of the residents there are Caucasian, and there are a lot of expensive condos and time-shares here. Hmm, I wonder if there is a correlation? ;-) I felt way more at home among the mostly Asian population of Honolulu, where I seemed to have been mistaken for a local Hawaiian many times. Even the valet attendant at the airport told me to enjoy my vacation when we were leaving to go back to NYC, thinking I was a native resident. Heh, heh.



This was the view from our hotel balcony in Kauai. Again we stayed at the Hyatt. I swear, I must get a membership with them or something. We somehow always end up staying at the Hyatt during our trips, although I don't intentionally choose them when I'm booking our stay. Weird.

Kauai was laid back and a bit dull. But after the whirlwind that was our Vegas wedding, and our one week stay in the bustling tourist trap of Honolulu, it was a welcomed change of pace. Still, Lisa and I loved Honolulu a lot. We're seriously thinking of moving there, since they have a high demand for nurses and pay well. I have no idea what I would do for a living there, though, so that's a problem. And although I prefer more wintry climates to warm ones (Vermont is perfect!), Hawaii is one of the few exceptions I'll consider. I mean, who wouldn't? Yeah, the cost of living is extreme. But so is NYC. So we're used to it.

Hmm, who knows?