Tiny Apartment Is Tiny!

Thought I'd finally get around to putting up pics of the new place, since some of you have been asking for them. I don't know why I waited so long to do this, in fact. The state of affairs as of today is this: I've been living here now for exactly 4 weeks, and I'm very glad to have found this place at the time I did, and so near to where I was living before. Because it's a 500 sq ft studio apartment, alas, there is not much to show. But you know what? For such a small apartment, it's actually quite serviceable for one person. Take a look:

Happy Father's Day, Mom.

So, today is Father's Day. Happy fun times to all the great dads out there, whoever you are.

As you all probably know by now, I did not grow up with a dad in the picture. Sure, the man was alive and living in the same city, but he wanted nothing to do with raising his sons. So my mom raised us alone until she passed away when I was 9 years old. We moved in with my mom's sister and their mom after that--so, in other words, with my maternal aunt and grandmother who shared an apartment.

Mom, Grandma, lil brother and me (right).

Grandma and auntie raised us for the next 12 years or so until I graduated college and moved out on my own. All three women shaped me into the man I am today. They were my rock, my guidance, and my heart. They protected me when the world was fearful, sang to me when my heart was sad, and taught me life's stern lessons whenever I thought I had it all figured out. They also taught me that one does not need a father to make it through life, and that women are to be respected and praised for all the hard work and sacrifice they bring.

Pumpkin picking with Auntie, baby sis, lil bro, and me (right).

So I never cared that my father was not around -- but it would have been nice if he were. He never taught me how to be a man: how to carry myself, how to fight and stand up for myself like a man should. Never taught me how to drive, or dance, or tie a tie, or shave, or even how to fix a damn flat tire! I learned all these things on my own or from the women in my life. Needless to say, I have a low opinion of men. Yet, I strive all my life to make myself the kind of man I would have been proud to call my father when I was younger.

How fucked up is that? I was, in essence, my own father. But honestly, that role was filled by three others. And if they happened to be women, who cares? They were the best damn father a boy could ask for!

Happy Father's Day mommy, auntie, and gran'ma. I'm more of a man today through your love and support than I could have ever been learning from my real dad's example.

College grad with baby sis (left), Grandma, and Auntie.

Miss Crush 2013

Over the many years I've been writing this blog (since 2008, to be exact), every now and then I embarrass myself by posting who I'm currently crushing on in Hollywood or the music biz. So now it's that time to do it again for 2013. Yes, yes ... never mind the fact that we're only halfway through the year. Pesky details! I'm going to do it anyway, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

But before I do, a little refresher on all the Miss Crushes of years past. It's a high honor on the Bimillennial Man, don't you know?

Can You Hear Me Now?

You know, I know I'm going to take some flak for this, but I'll come out and just say it: I'm not all that disturbed by these recent NSA Prism revelations. Yes, I'm serious. I know, I know -- the U.S. government has been tapping into our mobile phone and e-mail content. Oh. Mah. Gurd!!!!

Really?

And???

How is this news? I've always figured my conversations, emails, and Facebook doings were being monitored somehow, somewhere. This blog, too, in fact. It's probably all being filtered through some government data analyst's server farm buried deep in the Black Hills of South Dakota. But do I think anyone cares about what I have to say or write? Hell no! I say: let them do all the snooping they want. Do you really think I'm dumb enough to put out there anything incriminating or of a threat to national security? Do I honestly believe anyone in the higher echelons of our cloak & dagger shadow government agencies actually cares about my Game of Thrones musings, or latest Facebook rant on men who carry around large shoulder bags?

Please, grow up! I don't exactly know why everyone's so surprised by these revelations. Or so afraid all of a sudden. Surely you couldn't have been that naive all these years, right?

Didn't think so.

Is it wrong that our privacy and basic liberties are being trampled upon? You damn right it is! And I'm mad as hell about that. Because if they can do this, then what's next? Don't answer that! It's scary as hell.

Look, ever since I first logged on to this here Interwebs of ours back in September of 1994 (when we were still using Mosaic for access, and the World Wide Web was in its infancy) I've done so with the express paranoia that some super AI or think tank out there would be eavesdropping, just waiting for certain keywords to pop up in all that digital noise and send the black helicopters out to pick me up in the middle of the night. So I just made sure I never put anything out there I wouldn't want my closest friends or family members finding out about. Plain and simple.

If, however, you're one of those pseudo anarchists who uses Facebook as a soapbox to rave about how badly you want the government to implode under an onslaught of a thousand terrorists' dirty bombs--well then, Jethro, you might want to keep you ears peeled for those super silent helicopter blades approaching your bunker.

I hear Guantanamo ain't so lovely this time of year.

Episode 30 Discussion: "Mhysa"

It is with heavy heart that we come to yet another close on an exciting season of Game of Thrones. *sigh* They go by so quickly! I can't believe I'll have to wait another 10 months to see this saga continue. What will I possibly watch in the meantime? I've soured almost completely on True Blood, which was always more Lisa's show. I'll still tune in, I'm sure, but I don't expect it to be much fun.

Anyway, so how did the season 3 finale fair? After last week's "Red Wedding," can any episode following it possibly compare?

The answer is, of course: no.

But you know what? While "Mhysa" may not have been the big bang season finale many have come to expect from this show, I thought it was one of the most fulfilling and well-constructed episodes ever. It's probably this book reader's most satisfying showing, in fact, because it felt like a lot of murky plotlines were aired out and clarified to those non initiates out there who might be having a difficult time understanding what the point of all this is. See, what everyone needs to keep in mind is that Season 3 only encompassed the first half of Book 3, A Storm of Swords. Next season will cover the rest of the novel and escalate quite a few of the different plots wavering around as of this latest airing.

A Fry-ful Trip Into The Past

As I settle in to my new apartment, the one thing that still bugs me is coming home from work and having that new paint smell hit me in the face as I step through the front door. I officially moved in 2 weeks ago, but the smell still persists. It was cute in the beginning when the whole experience was new and exciting ... but something needed to be done. So I decided to break in my new kitchen by cooking as often as possible, in the hope that the various food aromas would replace that new paint smell and start making this place feel more like home to me. I grilled marinated chicken breasts one night, made bacon and eggs another morning, prepared a braised beef stew another time, and so on. Slowly I was starting to get this place smelling like normal, but wasn't quite there yet.

And then nostalgia hit. I might have mentioned it here on the blog once or twice, but I have virtually no connection to my Latin roots. My mother was Caucasian, and my father hailed from Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. Our father was never around growing up, although he lived in the same city and we would visit his family on occasion. So we were never indoctrinated into the traditional Dominican culture that thrives in northern Manhattan, the western South Bronx, and a large neighborhood in Queens. Our cultural cues came from our mother and, later, her mother and her sister. Which meant we grew up with fried chicken and apple pie, corn on the cob and potato salad (among many other staple Americana dishes). However, my mother did try to assimilate herself into the local Latin American culture here in New York. She spoke fluent Spanish as a second language, and her friends were all Latina. So occasionally she would prepare more traditional Latin-Caribbean dishes which her friends and mother-in-law taught her to make. Us kids hated it. We preferred our hamburgers and sloppy joes, thank you very much.

However, one particular Latin staple we did enjoy was fried green plantains. In Spanish-speaking Caribbean cultures, the dish is known as "tostones." In most Central and South American countries, they are called "patacones." But in my household we simply called them "platanos," regardless of how the plantains were being prepared. However, I do recall my sweet Dominican grandmother calling them "fritas verdes" on occasion. Tostones are typically twice-fried and served as a side dish. Although many people eat them as snacks or, even, as a full meal. I'm guilty of the latter, actually.

The thing is, it's been years since I've had tostones. Well over two decades, in fact! And I've never made them myself. All I had to go on were memories of standing in the kitchen as my mother cooked, which means I had to have been all of 7 or 8 years old at the time. Wow! Still, I'd seen it done often enough, and tostones are actually ridiculously simple to make. And luckily for me, I still live in a part of the city that's home to a pretty sizable Hispanic population. So plantains are more plentiful in the markets here than bananas. They are sold 10 for 1 dollar, in fact. Sometimes cheaper.

Suddenly thinking about my childhood, and about the different ways of making plantains--be they green or yellow (aka, "maduros")--I developed a huge craving for them. It was the weirdest thing, but my body immediately wanted some tostones in the worst way imaginable! So, I decided to give it a try. I thought it would be neat to travel back to my childhood and prepare a dish reminding me of home and my mother, and even my father's family. And as a bonus, perhaps banish some more of that new paint smell to boot!

I went to the supermarket this week and purchased myself all the necessary ingredients for making yummy tostones: plantains, corn oil (I usually only keep olive oil in the house), and a trusty tostonera--that ubiquitous hinged instrument of tostones making consisting of two wooden slabs for which to smash sliced pieces of plantain between. My mother just used a heavy pan with foil on the bottom to flatten each piece atop a cutting board, but I decided to get a little fancy with my bad self!

Since I'm only one person expecting leftovers to spare,
I figured 4 plantains were enough for the task.

 

 

With a knife, make a shallow slit lengthwise down the
plantain, then gently peel apart with your thumb.

 

Cut width-wise into 1- to 2-inch thick pieces.

Fry until darker yellow in pre-heated corn or vegetable oil
over medium heat. Turn over pieces for even frying.

 

Place on paper towels and pat dry the oil away.

 

Flatten each piece with a hard, flat surface. Or use a trusty
tostonera (pictured).

 

Slide flattened pieces back into the oil and fry on each side until
golden brown and crispy.

 

Place twice-fried pieces on new paper towels for drying, then
sprinkle lightly with salt. Serve immediately while still hot.

The end result was a little over-fried I admit, but still tasted exactly as I remembered them. Oh, the memories! Next time I'll fry them for a little less time. I couldn't think of what main dish to have alongside the tostones, though, so I ended up eating them alone. Was quite filling, in fact. And oh-so-delicious! I had around 11 pieces left over when all was said and done, so I wrapped them up in foil and placed them in the refrigerator for another day. They're best served piping hot and straight out of the pan, but I'll reheat them in the oven at 350 degrees F and they should be fine. I hope. *gulp*

Oh, and the house smells a little less painty and more like corn oil and plantains now, which is quite the improvement I say.

Anyway, have you had tostones, or patacones, or whatever you call them in your neck of the woods? You might want to give this recipe a try if you're curious otherwise. And as usual, share your thoughts in the comments below.

Episode 29 Discussion: "The Rains Of Castamere"

Hoo boy!

This one was a doozy. It's the episode I've been dreading ever since day one of this show's airing. It's the point when, in the books, I almost gave up reading the whole damn series. And even more than a decade later, I still get uneasy thinking about what happened. To be honest, it's probably also why I haven't re-read these books in all this time. Some things are just too traumatic to live through again, even if it is all just fiction. And fantasy fiction at that!

But before we get to all of that, some quick thoughts on what transpired before the Lannisters--as they are wont to do--paid their debts back to Robb Stark and Company:

I absolutely loved Bran "warg"-ing into Hodor to shut the big oaf up, and then into his direwolf, Summer, to come to the rescue of Jon Snow. Fantastic! And it's about damn time they made it clear to those non-book readers just what the hell is up with Bran and his wolf dreams. Yes, like Orell the Wildling, Bran can also project his mind into animals. But unlike Orell or any other warg beyond the Wall, Bran can also project into a human being's mind as well. Uh, I don't recall this being an impossibility for other wargs in the books. As I recall, it is difficult to do, but not impossible. It's just something that most wargs know not to do, because the practice has some potentially horrendous risks.

Rickon Stark's parting was well overdue, and yet wonderfully acted. That scene almost made me cry. I don't know about Osha taking him to Last Hearth---home of Jon Umber, aka "The Greatjon". That particular detail was different in the book. But I think the end results will be the same. Rickon doesn't get a whole lot of mention in the book series, which is a shame.

The excursion into Yunkai by perhaps the most kick-ass variation of the Three Stooges ever was a big highlight of this episode. Not only was the action edge-of-your-seat worthy, but the choreography was superb! I loved watching Daario and Ser Jorah lay waste to wave after wave of guards coming at them, but the best was Grey Worm. Oh man, this guy was AMAZING! He truly made the Unsullied proud on that night. You know, for a group of ball-less wonders, they actually do live up to their fearsome reputations, eh?

I'm really enjoying how well the Arya and Hound scenes are being portrayed. Very, very close to the books for now. And while Sandor Clegane does have a point about the young lass needing to grow a pair if she is to survive in this harsh world, Arya was quick to demonstrate why she's not the shrinking violet her sister was. Knocking out that poor pork peddler a second time seriously impressed the Hound. And when the right time came, he conked her on the head in kind so as to perhaps save her from the fate her oldest brother was having dished out to him at the Twins.

Speaking of which ...

"The Lannisters send their regards."

*sigh* It is with such heavy heart that I had to sit through this scene. The entire episode my stomach was turning into knots, knowing what was to come. I kept checking the clock to see how much of the episode was still left, because I just knew they were going to save it for the very end before the credits roll. But when the melody to that now infamous Lannister song, "The Rains of Castamere," finally started to play in the banquet hall, I was a nervous mess! Which is strange since I knew damn well what was about to transpire. And yet ...

Anyway, I won't rehash the whole ordeal. If you saw it, you know what happened. And you also know how depressing it was. Oh, and Lord Roose Bolton is an asshole! As is Lord Frey, but that comes as no surprise.

However, since I'm not a mind reader, I would like to read your thoughts in the comments below. After all, this is why the post is called a "discussion."

So, go on. Discuss! How did this episode hit ya? Square in the nuts, or be ye cold and merciless like the Unsullied? The comments section is also the place to ask all your questions, and I will do my best to answer them. This is a very pivotal moment in the entire series, so I wouldn't be surprised if some of my readers have a lot to get off their chests.

Have at it, then!

P.S. -- Here's a consolation video the folks over at The Second City put together for those book readers and show watchers alike who may have just come to the disturbing realization that George R. R. Martin is one sick and cruel bastard!





They're equal parts wrong and right. But I won't tell you which is which. I can be cruel too, see? Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Don't worry, there really are no spoilers if you've watched the show up to last night's episode.)

Alive and Well, I Am I Am.

Hey everybody! It's me, David Batista. I'm alive! And, more importantly, moved in to my new apartment.

So, you see, it turns out I survived the move. There were half a dozen ways it could have all gone to hell, but miraculously the entire thing from start to (somewhat) finish went as smooth as butter! I'm actually a little astounded myself by how well the process went. My friends attribute it to my super anal planning and organizational skills . . . but I of course assign the credit to where it really belongs, to my friends themselves. They really came through for me and helped me out big time with the logistics of moving so much of my stuff. Six hands are definitely better than two in times like these, and I couldn't have done any of it without them. Thanks, guys!

I will keep this short as I'm still in the process of setting up and/or buying new utensils/furniture/odd knick-knacks for the place. But as you can see I did get my cable connection and setup my home network already. In other words ... There Will Be Internet. Hey, you know--priorities! I haven't completely moved in yet, however. I still need to move some other items from the old place, including all my clothes. Then I can finally spend a night in the new apartment. However, I do have my furniture delivered and positioned where I want it to be. And I even brought linens and stuff! How very domestic of me, eh?

To give you a taste of just how much work has gone into the setup of the new apartment, here is a before-and-after look at the main living space:

My first time seeing the place after its complete renovation.

Picked out the furniture and arranged it all myself.
The difference is like night and day, no?

My friend, an electrician by trade, installed the ceiling fan. While I hooked up the window blinds on all three windows in the room. What do you think? Not bad, huh? The fan is a wonder, making the place so airy and well-lit. I love it! I honestly can't believe how big this studio is, and how perfectly it fits my needs. I lucked out big time, I think. Don't you?

Moving. It's A B----!

So, that time has come.

As much as I dreaded the actual mechanics of it all, I somehow went through the motions and managed to get most of my stuff squared away in boxes and suitcases, and prepared for the big move. Which is tomorrow, people!

Holy shit!

I've rented the U-Haul and have some of the world's bestest friends helping me out. I can't believe that, after nearly 13 years in the same spot, in less that 24 hours I will be moved in to an entirely different spot. Albeit a much smaller spot, and all by my lonesome, but a major change nonetheless.

And how do I feel about it all? A bit depressed, yes. But moreso excited. The prospect of eventually being all unpacked and settled in, of being able to kick my feet back and know that I am in my VERY OWN personal space with no one else to answer to but myself . . . well, I admit it's pretty damn enticing! Probably that sentiment alone has gotten me through the worst of it these past 6 weeks. If I allow my mind to do so, no doubt it would sink into a well of misery and self-doubt. But I won't allow it to do so. I'll keep forging ahead and doing what needs to be done. Even when it seems like one shit revelation follows another, still I'll soldier on.

I'm sure eventually it will all catch up to me, though. One weekend in the not too distant future I will be miserable and reflective on all that I have lost. I will shutter the windows in my new apartment and hunker down on the sofa under a mountain of blankets. And much bad tv will be consumed. And much good wine will be imbibed (I don't do beer outside of social settings).

And then . . . and then I will be better. The sun will still shine and the birds--those blasted birds!--they shall continue to chirp happily outside my windows. And I will one morning find myself expectant, hopeful: reflective on all I have yet to accomplish! For I am only 36 years old, not 66; and the world is yet my oyster.

By the way, what the fuck does this saying mean, anyway? I hate shellfish!

So, this is so-long for a short while, my friends. I will try to establish an Internet connection at the new place as soon as possible, but who knows when next our paths may cross on Blogger? Once I'm settled in, for sure. But whether that takes 2 weeks or 2 months, only the Old Gods and the New can answer.

'Till then, stay frosty.

David J. Batista
Bronx, New York.  May 2013.

Episode 25 Discussion: "Kissed By Fire"

Despite the fact that I am no longer writing reviews of Game of Thrones episodes, I do of course still watch each show as they air. I caught last night's viewing of "Kissed By Fire" and have to say I was very impressed. Sadly, we are already halfway through the season now. Where the hell did time fly off to?

Anyway, I wanted to at least give a forum for fans of the show who visit The Bimillennial Man to sound off with their comments, observations, and opinions of what transpired this week. And to start things off, I'll add some of my own quick observations:


R'hllor, the Lord of Light. I'm glad we're finally getting to see more of this mysterious Eastern religion from Asshai and its spreading influence in Westeros. Up until now, we've only been exposed to this new brand of worship during the Stannis scenes. But now we see that Melisandre isn't the only follower of the Red God. Seems that Thoros of Myr, of the mercenary group "Brotherhood Without Banners," is also a staunch follower. Somehow he has been bestowed through his Lord the power to resurrect the dead and/or heal the newly wounded. Hmmm, now I wonder when that might come in handy later on in the season . . .

Duel of the Fates. That was one kickass sword fight between The Hound and Beric Dondarrion. Some of you may recall back to season 1 when Beric was the man Ned Stark sent out to the Riverlands to hunt down the Lannisters' top lackey, The Mountain, and bring him to justice for crimes against the lowly farmers and village folk living there. Apparently in that time he's been stabbed, hanged, and suffered who knows how many other morbid horrors in-between. And yet somehow he keeps being brought back by Thoros, a little "lesser" of his former self each time. Thoros defeated The Hound in tournament melees three times in the past, most likely due to his flaming sword technique, exploiting Sandor's one true fear in the world. So when Beric sets his own sword aflame before The Hound's trial by combat, the contest takes on extra peril for the younger Clegane. I thought it was rather impressive how The Hound still managed to kick ass despite his crippling fear of fire. As a result of winning the duel, Sandor is deemed "innocent" in the eyes of the Lord of Light, and is allowed to go about his business. Beric Dondarrion, on the other hand, is once again brought back to the world of the living.

A quick note about R'hllor that some of you may be overlooking, particularly if you have not read the books. You may be wondering how a religion of such obvious potency could have remained relatively unknown to Westeros for all this time. For unlike that land's Seven Gods, this religion of fire and light seems to have some actual teeth to it. Well, it has been mentioned already in this show ... things are changing now that there are dragons in the world again. That was the whole purpose of the red comet at the start of the 2nd season, remember? Magic is alive once again! This is the start of a new age. Or, as some will have you believe, the rebirth of a cycle already experienced some 8,000 years prior. For as the White Walkers begin to stir once more, an opposite but equally potent force is needed to combat such a threat. And what is the epic weakness of wights again, class? Why, yes -- FIRE! Trust me, there is a method to all this madness. One that, to be honest, has yet to become fully realized even in the books. So, we still have a looooong way to go on that front. Be patient.


Rub a dub, dub, dub. My favorite scene of the episode--hells, probably the entire show--has arrived! I've been waiting a long, long time to see this exchange between a defeated Kingslayer and the erstwhile lady knight, Brienne of Tarth, given justice on the small screen. Fans of the books can now rejoice! Writer Bryan Cogman pulled it off beautifully, with exactly the right nuance, pathos, and chemistry delivered by the wonderful actors themselves. Bravo! For me, no arc has been more poignant and satisfyingly unfolded in the books than that of Jaime Lannister. It was this very development which gave me my first real lesson in how to effectively write a long-term character. There has to be some development there, and what Jaime reveals of himself in this one simple scene amounts to a mountain of character exposition. I've been savoring this moment for so long, hoping for viewers to finally understand that there is a lot more to this tragic hero's tale than what is realized at first glance. No, he is not perfect. He did push a kid out of a window to cover up his incestuous affair with his twin sister, after all. And, in the tv show at least, snapped his own cousin's neck just to save his own. But hey, I never said he was a morally righteous hero. It was so much fun seeing the Kingslayer appear in a new light in Brienne's eyes. The dawning of just want this man has been through all these years is so clear on her dumbfounded expression. In life, nothing is ever what it appears at first blush. Such an excellent scene! I want to rewatch it over and over again.

This one is called. Grey Worm! Yay! I am so ecstatic that we finally get our Grey Worm. I actually liked the actor they got to portray him. Good things are to come. Good things. We didn't get much from the Daenerys' plot line this episode. Some dick measuring between Ser Barristan the Bold and Ser Jorah Mormont, sure. But that's to be expected. They both are jockeying to be their queen's right hand man. At the moment Ser Jorah still holds that elevated position by his khaleesi's side, but Barristan does have the advantage of having served her family once upon a long time ago. And, as he stated himself, for once he would like to serve a just and righteous ruler. Just this one time. Purdy pweese! With a dragon-flambé cherry on top, pweese? How can you refuse an old man such a request?


Let the heads roll. And so it begins. Robb Starks' plotline has come to the inevitable turning point I've so dreaded all these years. Pretty ominous that Theon's tune "Pay The Iron Price" is playing during this darkest of scenes when Lord Rickard Karstark must be made an example of if Robb Stark is to keep any semblance of his authority intact. This is the tune that also played when Theon executed poor Rodrik Cassel last season and thus began all his current woes in life. Unfortunately for Robb, his decision flies in the face of advice given to him by his mother, wife, uncle Edmure, and great-uncle Brynden the Blackfish. That can't be good. I mean, look: we get that he had to be his own man in this. After all, he alone is the King in the North. But damn! this scene did not feel good. I actually cursed out loud when Lord Karstark's head fell. "Shit," I said to the screen. Shit. Here we go now . . .

So, those are my thoughts. Maybe not exactly quick, but these were the scenes that stood out the most for me. I'm a little peeved by Stannis's crazy wife, Queen Selyse, keeping her miscarried fetuses in jars. Ick! And . . . wtf? This was never in the books, and I know that as a tv show they need to get across rather quickly that this woman is not all entirely with us. But I thought this was a little too over the top. She's not as crazy as Catelyn Stark's sister, Lysa Arryn, after all. Just a little, well . . . weird in the books. We're clearly never meant to entirely like her, obviously. But I just thought this was too heavy handed and not believable. By contrast, though, I absolutely fell in love with little girl Shireen Baratheon. It's not explained yet in the show what affliction she suffers from, but apparently she's being kept locked away in a high tower ala The Man in the Iron Mask. She only gets visits from her papa and the Onion Knight. But in just a few short scenes I already love this little girl. Way more than in the books. I always found her a bit on the bland and boring side there. But here on the show I actually find myself feeling miserable on her behalf.

Now that I got all that out of the way, what are your own thoughts? Sound off in the comments section below and get this discussion rollin'!

No Mas (Game of Thrones Related)

Well, I have decided I had enough of writing reviews of Game of Thrones. Yes, sorry folks (all 4 of you who care), but I just don't have the wherewithal at this point in my life to slave away writing such long, detailed looks into an hour-long television show. It's getting old really fast.

But in fact the real reason is two-fold:

One, as mentioned already, my life is topsy-turvy at the moment. I'm in the process of moving to a new place, and in a few weeks I won't even have cable tv anymore. It might take a week or two to get it back at the new place, and combined with everything else I will need to get done during this time (like, hey, actually moving and getting settled in), I can honestly say that I won't have the energy or time to punch out a super cool, super informative review of this super great HBO show I love so much. Such is life. Don't cry for me, Argentina ... and all that jazz.

The second reason is more disappointing, really, than an actual cause for no more reviews. Simply put, not enough people give a damn this year for some reason. In previous years, my Thrones reviews garnered thousands of unique views on this here blog. That's thousands. Plural! By the third episode of Season 2, my review of the first episode just two weeks prior already had 900 plus unique views. And how about this year? Well, now that the third episode has already aired, my review of the first episode two weeks back has tallied all of . . . 51 views. That's it. My review of the second episode has accumulated only 30. So, combined with my personal life being in a disarray, this added news does not keep me motivated to continue this endeavor.

Sorry, all. I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. I will still watch the show, naturally. But that thing where I spend hours and days writing the words, rewatching the episode over and over, and acquiring screen grabs and what have you? Yeah, no more.

Jaime's distraught over no more reviews on the Bimillennial Man.
Or because someone just cut off his hand. One of the two. 

I would suggest that if anyone has any questions about the episodes as they air, to drop them in the comments section here and I will definitely answer them. But who are we kidding? Let's be honest, no one will. And that's okay.

I'm just saying, though, if anyone wants to . . .

And, one last thing. No, I will not be accepting any guest reviews at this time. That's cool for like one or two episodes, but not for the rest of the whole bloody season. Thanks, though.

Game of Thrones: "Dark Wings, Dark Words" Review

Episode 22: "Dark Wings, Dark Words"
Original Air Date:  April 7, 2013.
Directed by:  Daniel Minahan.
Written by:  Vanessa Taylor.


Tonight's episode was full of dark forebodings and even darker intrigues, hence the title. And as we all know by now ... the Night is Dark and Full of Terror, too. Quite a few new faces were introduced as well, which I'm sure just made the heads of non-book readers spin mercilessly. Have heart, it will all start to make sense in the coming weeks. But for this week we got our hands on a particularly meaty feast of gritty fantasy goodness. Shall we dig in?

Eleven Elevator Ethics

As someone who lives in the big city and works in a very tall office building, riding an elevator is a daily affair. We've all done it. But the more you do it, the more you tend to gloss over some of the important niceties of making the experience efficient and safe for everyone. What follows are rules to remember based on personal everyday observations from a long-time city dweller.


1)  The last one in on a descending elevator is the first one out. This is especially true in crowded cars.

2)  The "close door" button doesn't actually make the doors close any faster. This is a myth. The button is only there for malfunctions and emergencies. So. STOP. Freaking. Pressing. It!

3)  If a lady is on the elevator, out of courtesy step aside and allow her to be the first one out. It's called manners, gentlemen.

4)  If the elevator has mirrors, or if the doors are highly polished metal, it is rude to make eye contact with your fellow passengers. Not everyone takes kindly to being ogled.

5)  If you know your stop is on one of the top floors, please step to the back of the car after pressing your button. Chances are, everyone else in the elevator will getting off before you.

6)  Never eat in an elevator. Doubly so for passing the gaseous by-products of such consumption from the other end.

7)  When leaving the office for the night, it is customary to say "good evening" to your fellow passengers upon exiting to the lobby.

8)  Rule of thumb: If you can make eyesight, you must hold the door for that person rushing toward your elevator. However, if all you hear are footfalls coming near, you are not obligated to hold the car unless said phantom calls out for you to do so. You are not a mind reader.

9)  If you reach the elevator bank but the doors are already closing, do not reach out and attempt to halt their progress. Simply take the next one.

10) You must ALWAYS wait for the elderly or handicapped, no matter how long they may take to reach the elevator.

11) Similarly, if a handicapped person or a parent with a baby stroller needs to get on but there is no room--make room! Even if it means a few of you must get off to do so.


And there you have it. Nice and simple, yes? Most of these are of the common sense variety, so you would think everyone would follow them, yes? You'd think wrong! Every single one of these points are ones I've witnessed or practice myself. Yet, I see them ignored on a constant and daily basis.

My question to you all is: how many of these do you break and/or follow? Leave your answer in the comments. Or anything else you might like to add.

Game of Thrones: "Valar Dohaeris" Review

Episode 21: "Valar Dohaeris"
Original Air Date:  March 31, 2013.
Directed by:  Daniel Minahan.
Written by:  David Benioff & D.B. Weiss.


First things first, I thought it was a nice touch to start off the episode with a little prelude before the title jump. We haven't seen this since the very first pilot episode aired back in April 2011. But me personally, I prefer a little hors d'oeuvre to whet the appetite before the main meal. Jumping straight into the credits after the HBO snow screen always seemed cheap and less cinematic to me in the past. So kudos to going back to the old format. Let's hope it's not just for this one episode.

Thank Heaven I Was Born A Man!

A few months ago I wrote this piece specifying all the qualities, both physical as well as intellectual, that I found attractive in the opposite gender. Some of you may remember that, on the physical side of things, I tended to favor women with oblong faces and high cheekbones, with long dark hair and smoldering almond-shaped eyes. I mentioned how these traits naturally drew me toward the Asia Minor and Subcontinent parts of the world, as this is where you'll most likely find ladies embodying this particular classification of female perfection.

And then, the other day, I beheld this Aveda commercial for some hair product or technique I wasn't paying too much attention to, because it felt like a thunderbolt had struck me from the sky:



(You can find a longer, more detailed, version of this commercial by clicking here.)


And I think it's pretty clear why I was not paying so much attention to whatever the hell this commercial is selling, right? I mean, WOW! I had to rewind the DVR several times to behold the wonder I was seeing. Who was she? Why is she only doing Aveda commercials? By god, I must rush to the Internet and learn more!!!

And learn more I did. Well, sorta. It turns out that this very lovely woman is a relatively unknown fashion model from the Netherlands named Asal Soltani. She is of Persian and Dutch descent and, I believe, is currently working in Milan. Unfortunately, that was about the extent of all I could find out.

*Sigh*

However, all was not lost. I did come back with some pretty hot pictures of Ms. Soltani, which I will share here of course. Since the majority of my readers are female, you must bear with me and allow me this one male indulgence. You all know me. I don't do this very often.

So, uh . . . yeah. She pretty much rocks my boat. I mean, hard! In particular her eyes are what really captivate me. She's not your typical looking runway model, which is a nice change. I'm so tired of the blonde, Nordic look. Aren't you?

Where are the Asal Soltani's of the world? If you're out there . . . call me, maybe.

Game of Thrones Reviews

Stannis is patiently waiting for Dragonstone
Cable to upgrade his HBO subscription.

So, that time is fast approaching us. In fact, the new season of Game of Thrones will begin in less than 13 hours. I can't believe we're finally here!

As you may recall, I've been doing recaps of each new episode for the past two seasons now. You can still find those recaps and impressions by clicking on the links below:

Season 1 recaps.
Season 2 recaps.

Unfortunately, due to time constraints and ongoing personal circumstances, I will not be able to provide such detailed and wordy services any longer. But fear not, I won't leave you completely hanging. Starting with tomorrow's episode, you will find on this very blog a review written each week by yours truly. It won't be anything too flashy or in-depth, just a normal length review with a grade at the end. The old format was just too much for me to keep up with. Especially since these episodes air late on a Sunday night when I have to go to bed for work bright and early the next morning.

Unfortunately again, HBO in their unending wisdom chose to air the season premiere on Easter Sunday of all days. D'oh! I'm going to be upstate in the countryside visiting family for most of the day, and will be pressed to even catch the episode on its original air date, let alone write up a review for it. So this is my way of saying to expect the first review rather late in the week. I will try for Wednesday at the latest, but hopefully you'll see it earlier. Keep your fingers crossed!

In the meantime, for those fans of the show who can't recall much of the complicated plot and machinations of the past two seasons (and don't worry, no one blames you!), here is a 10-minute recap in video form provided by those same kind folks at HBO. I hope this gets you back in the mood to visit Westeros and unending quest to claim the Iron Throne. On a side note, I wouldn't recommend watching this unless you've seen the first two seasons already. Newcomers won't be able to make much sense of what in the seven hells is going on here:




Hope you're getting ready. All the bloody fun and intrigue from last season will continue tomorrow night at 9:00 pm EST!

Because, You Knew It Was Coming

Does our fair khaleesi got herself a brand new ... army?

Yes, folks. That time is almost upon us. For the Night is dark and full of terror ... and Winter is coming!





Oh. My.

And, yes, that was a dragon on a chain. Stop for a moment and allow the enormity of what you just saw to sink in. A muther-fucking dragon on a muther-fucking CHAIN!!!! How sick is THAT?

Now that is what I call a trailer full of awesome! I bet some of you were wondering how long it would take for me to finally descend into Game of Thrones lunacy here on the Bimillennial Man as with previous years. What with Season 3 just a mere two weeks away, you must have wondered what was taking so long.

Well, see, I was waiting for the right promotional material to come along. And now I think we can get this party started!

What do you fans think? Especially those of you who have not read the books? What do you think this season will bring? Sound off in the comments section below.

I can tell you this much, as a book reader:

This is the season all of us in the know have been waiting for. Yes. If you thought the previous two seasons were spectacular (and, pfft! Why wouldn't you?), then you have to realize that everything you've seen thus far was really just a nice warm-up for much greater things to come! The third book in George R. R. Martin's ongoing multi-volume opus is probably the one tome that defines the series best. It's a pure masterpiece, no debate about it. And so massive that it's going to take two full seasons just to cover it in its entirety!

Let that sink in while, like myself, you press the replay on that there video clip up above and bask in the greatness of HBO again, and again, and again . . .

And, besides leaving your impressions in the comments, if anyone should have any questions about the upcoming season (NO SPOILERS!!!), please ask them of me and I shall do my best to answer (NO SPOILERS!!!).

So . . . Celebrity Wife Swap, Anyone?

Let me preface this by admitting that I never watch these types of shows!

I know, big surprise. However, what you might be surprised to learn is that I actually used to watch "Jon & Kate Plus 8" on TLC one upon a long time ago. Back when the family seemed genuine and sweet, and not yet jaded by all the cameras. To be honest, I watched it for the adorable kids and grew attached to them and their crazy toddler antics.

Fast forward several years later and now the kids are all so much older. But still adorable. And so, despite my attempts not to, I couldn't help but watch the season premiere of "Celebrity Wife Swap" this week. Although I hate Kate Gosselin with the heated fury of 10,000 blazing suns, I do like Kendra Wilkinson a lot. Whereas Kate is a bitchy, psycho camera whore, Kendra always struck me as more down to earth and "real," despite being a former Playmate and pseudo "girlfriend" of Hugh Hefner at one point. Still, she and her husband Hank only have one child, while a determinedly single Kate has 8 to contend with mostly all on her own.

While the whole concept of these "wife swap" shows always skeezed me out, I had to admit I was mildly intrigued to see how this one would turn out. If you have the time and want to watch it for yourself, you can see the entire episode below for yourself (my comments to follow):




I have to say, things didn't turn out half as bad as I'd feared. And even though Kate is still such a cold, soul-sucking bitch, she actually does a pretty awesome job with those kids. I mean, they didn't even need Kendra there. They practically ran that whole house by themselves! On the flip side, I think Kendra's spontaneity and  open-ness relates so well with children, and Kate could learn a thing or two about just letting loose and not being so strict all the time.

Over at Kendra's house, I do think Kate was right on the money about all the free time Kendra has. I believe mothers should learn to spend some "me" time on themselves, but this is ridiculous! A nanny for only 1 child? Both Kendra and Hank seem like they have loads of free time (when the NFL is not in season, of course), so it seems bizarre to me that they should have a nanny taking care of little Hank as much as she does. Big Hank really does do a lot, too, and allows his wife to slide too much on her responsibilities, I think. But I also respect their relationship and how they run things, and don't think Kate had any business telling Hank what to do in his own marriage. I guess I can relate to Hank because I'm very much like him in a relationship. Which is to say, I'm very laid back and not afraid to cook and do chores around the house when needed. And I would also want my SO to be able to go out and have fun with her girlfriends, inasmuch as I would like to be able to do the same with my own friends every now and then. Of course, once again this is doable when you only have one kid. Not so easy when you have 8 of them running around. Sheesh!

Although I don't have children, Kate was right in that they need structure and schedules in their lives. At least, that's a truism I've observed firsthand with all my friends who have children. She was also right that a family needs to do more activities together, and for the love of god definitely eat at least one meal a day together.

But Kendra was awesome in changing things up a bit and having that taco "picnic" in the basement media room. Although it turned into such a horrifying mess, I can speak from my own childhood experience that we kids love nights like those. It shouldn't be every night, but whenever an impromptu dinner change-up did occur, it was something us kids always remembered. Even now I remember those fun moments, like the one time we were given tuna fish sandwiches and potato chips for dinner and watched Jaws on VHS rental for the first time. I will never forget that!

So all in all I can say this was an exceptional episode. Having read up on it, though, it seems that this is not the norm for "Celebrity Wife Swap." Seems it's usually more trashy and/or staged than this. So in no way will I become a regular viewer now. I came to see how the adorable Gosselin children were doing after all these years, and came away learning a lot about raising a family. For who the hell knows when that might come in handy for me, current situation being what it is and all.

But maybe someday I might need to know how to strike that right balance between order and spontaneity when it comes to raising a family. Or, barring that, how to find that right balance just in my personal life.

What do you readers think?

Side Note Observation:  Kendra is a very, very fine looking woman! Ain't she? Kate looks like an old, dried out drag queen by comparison. Kendra even looks great in the morning with very little to no makeup on. Of course, she's also 10 years younger than Kate and doesn't have a veritable brood of children following her around all day, every day.

"Sometimes I Dream . . ."

". . . That he is me. You've got to see that's how I dream to be!"

So, this past Sunday was Michael Jordan's 50th birthday. Whoa! What a legendary milestone for such a legendary athlete. You know, I consider myself eternally fortunate to have grown up in the "Jordan era" of American basketball. Although my hometown was always trying to play up Patrick Ewing and his revolving band of losers on the NY Knicks, for me my allegiance always resided farther out west. Yes, my heart belonged to Chicago and the Bulls during the better part of the 90s. How could it not?

So, nothing fancy this blog entry. No wordy, lengthy diatribe. His Airness is His Airness. Nothing more needs to be said by I. He is: A Champion. A Legend. An Inspiration.

However, I will leave you with two videos to commemorate this august anniversary of the Magnificent One. They're both commercials, but both are equally awesome and appropriately demonstrative of why, for a while there back in the 90s, everyone wanted to walk around with a "23" on their backs. Hell, I still do to this day!


Gatorade's 1991 "Be Like Mike" Commercial.



This is probably MJ's most famous commercial. Even 80 year old grandmas hum along to this tune and want to "be like Mike." It's so inspirational for what is essentially a sports water ad. I especially get teary-eyed at all the adorable little kiddies in this spot trying to imitate the Legend. To know that you've inspired so much of the younger generation to strive to be the best, to go for that seemingly impossible goal against seemingly impossible odds? How do you respond to something like that? Well, when you're Michael Jordan, you do it with class, grace, and not an insignificant amount of humor.


Nike's 2006 "Let Your Game Speak" XXI sneaker commercial.



I always gets goosebumps watching this. Don't you? The spot showcases everyday players from around the globe, young and older, recreating in slow motion some of MJ's most iconic moments on the basketball court. Simply amazing! Like its title, this commercial speaks for itself. No words are necessary. Just music and awesome moves. And if you want to see the original Jordan moves that the commercial was based around, simply click on this link for the video.

Happy Birthday, MJ. As David Stern put it in one of his many MVP trophy presentations to you: "You are, simply, the standard by which basketball excellence is measured."

Damn straight!

Because, Sometimes

I'm a grown man, I know. But sometimes I can't help but revert to the way things used to be once upon a long time ago.

Because, sometimes . . .

I still like to stomp through puddles after a rainstorm.
I miss my mommy when the world is scary and life uncertain.
I'll pretend to have super powers, like flight or invincibility.
I must have milk with my cookies. Right. NOW!!!

And sometimes:

I still like a good bedtime story.
I get shy around pretty girls.
I don't care if I'm dirty.
I'll chat with my li'l bro for hours about video games.
I believe in happy endings.

Because, sometimes . . . I'm still 4 years old, and Summertime never ends.