Monday, May 31, 2010

Did I Ever Tell The One Where I Almost Died?

Honestly, I've told a couple of stories on here already of near misses with death. There was the time I almost drowned, and the time I got hit by a car while riding my bike. But I don't think I've ever mentioned the time I drank bleach . . . and lived.

See, it was a very hot day. I must have been around 6 or 7. My mother was doing the laundry, and I was extremely thirsty. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and lo and behold there was a cup already waiting for me on the sink.

It had clear liquid in it, it was right by the faucet, and so I figured: hey, why not? Hmm, I thought. Must be my lucky day.

Oh, how few the times that I've ever been more wrong!

I snatched up the cup and, without even pausing, gulped the whole thing down in one fell swoop. Immediately I knew something was wrong. Well, no duh, you say! How did you not smell that it was really Clorox bleach?

Hey, to this day I don't know. I think my mother must've diluted it with some water from the tap. Perhaps half/half? Whatever the case, the smell never hit me. No, it was the taste of the thing. My stomach reacted right away, and it was all I could do to get to the toilet in time to throw everything up. It was one of the most violent expulsions I've ever experienced.

Afterwards, I didn't tell my mother what had just happened. I was too afraid of getting in trouble. Yes, I was a kid. Such things mattered then.

I know it's hard to believe that I drank some bleach, vomited it all up, and walked away perfectly fine afterwards. But it's the god's honest truth. Looking back, I don't think it was anything special. I mean, that's what the stomach does, right? It identifies when something's in it that shouldn't be, confers with the brain, which in turns signals the fog horn of release to the stomach muscles -- and, before you can say presto Pepto-Bismol, it's all out!

The rest, as they say, is biology. Thank my lucky stars it wasn't something more caustic like, say, Drano. There would have been no help for me then.

Scary!

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